Scars that Lie With In
by Crazy4Hope
Summary: Tony and Ziva have a long over due conversation on the past and possibly the future. Oneshot! Tiva!


This is my first attemp at a one shot. So everyone who is reading this please give me your feed back and if you don't like then its okay, but tell me in a nice way. Don't break out the pitch forks and torches...as I said before this is my first try at this and if I get a lot of feedback I might start righting more oneshots. Give me ideas if you want. Thank you all who have read this far and I hope you continue on and like it.

Disclaimer:No.

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><p>The week had started off like any other, but soon the team found themselves in the middle of one of the most gruesome cases they had experienced. A week turned into two weeks and the body count went up. It turned out these Petty Officers were being held captive by Drew Andrews. The held a grudge against any woman in uniform ever since the death of his wife, Petty Officer Bryan. The team later discovered the ten victims all were held captive and tortured.<p>

Olivia Dawn.

Natalie Smith.

Payton William.

Haley Jackson.

Kristen Perish.

They were just names to some people, but to the team they were all people who didn't get help in time.

Tony closed his case report and glanced across the bull pen to see Ziva writing away. To anyone passing by, they would see a dedicated agent, but Tony saw differently. He saw a woman who had a past she once thought was buried, be brought up. He saw a woman who had to endure hell for months, watch as she saw someone else suffer the same things she went through. He saw a woman who he cared deeply for falling apart at the seams.

He stood up and approached the silent Israeli. Her brown eyes flashed up and she sighed. "What do you want, Tony?"

He didn't respond to her at first, instead he walked around to lean on her desk right in front of her, blocking her paperwork. She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Tony, if you are not going to say anything, will you please leave me alone?"

"Fine, I was just wondering if maybe you would like to get something to eat?" He left the question in the air as he packed his stuff. He expected her to make up some excuse as she always did or to say not tonight, but something must have been weighing on her mind.

"I think I would like that," she replied with a smile and reached to turn her lamp off. Tony's smile didn't fade as he took her bag from her and the two headed towards the elevator.

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><p>"Sorry, I didn't realize how late it was when I asked you to dinner," Tony mumbled. They had been to three diners in the hopes that something would be open, but soon the clock struck eleven and the two decided to call it quits.<p>

Ziva smiled at him. "No, it's fine. I really should be getting home, anyway."

Tony's smile faded for a moment before another idea popped in his head. "I can cook." She was about to protest, but Tony quickly cut her off. "You need to eat." She smiled and nodded.

They arrived back to Tony's apartment within ten minutes. "Please, make yourself at home. I'll get start cooking and if you want you can take a shower. I'll have clean towels and some fresh clothes out. Supper will be ready in twenty minutes."

"Anthony DiNozzo, are you saying I stink?" She laughed at the expression he had on his face.

"You know what I mean." He rolled his eyes and laughed with her.

"I am just pulling your leg, as you Americans say." She paused for a moment, contemplating on what she would say next. "Thank you."

He gave her his famous DiNozzo grin. "Don't mention it."

He watched as she smiled and made her way back down the hall. He turned his attention back to the task at hand. Tonight T.V dinners would have to do.

"I should get going." Ziva got up off of the couch and eyed the clock. It was now twelve in the morning and they still had work to get to the next day.

"Zi," Tony mumbled from his spot on the love seat, she looked at him, her eyes telling him to continue on. "Before you leave, can I ask you a question?"

Ziva knew this would somehow end up backfiring, but she didn't seem to care. She sat back down and nodded. "When you found out what happened to the Petty Officers... that look in your eyes..." He shook his head. "This case was hard on all of us, but I know you and I know you took this case harder than the rest of us. I want you know that you can talk to me about it if you need to." When he finally looked up, he saw her looking down and fiddling with the piece of string on the blanket he had given her.

They were silent for a few minutes and, when she finally spoke, her words stunned him. "I guess you could say I am being selfish for associating what I went through to what they went though. All of them had a life, they all had family who wanted them back and they had hopes of coming out alive. I wanted to die going into that camp. I knew going in would bring death and i embraced that."

Her voice shook as she spoke and Tony realized the battle she was fighting. He abruptly stood and went to her side, gathering her up in his arms. "I thought it was over. I thought the memories and the panic attacks would end. I thought I was strong."

This bugged Tony the most. She was the strongest person her knew and yet she never saw that. "Ziva, don't think that. You're a survivor, not a victim. And please don't ever think we didn't want you back. Why do you think we traveled all the way to Somalia? Ziva, we thought you were dead. We went in that dessert not to save you, but to make sure your killer got what he deserved. We went to avenge your death." She didn't say anything and Tony loosened his hold on her so he could lie down on the couch.

"It was hard on all of us. When Gibbs told us you were dead, I lost it. I got so mad a few times that security had to escort me out of the building." He laughed bitterly at the memory. "I went to the store and bought as much liquor as possible. I took some pills and decided if you weren't alive, than there was no point in me being alive." He felt Ziva shift against his chest and saw her brown eyes looking up at him. "That's when McGee knocked on my door. He wouldn't leave me alone. He and Abby took turns babysitting me to ensure I didn't…" He didn't have to finish his sentence for her to know what he was going to say.

"I never realized what all had changed when I made the choices I made. I see now how it affected the team, and you," she whispered. "But I still haven't decided if it has affected me for the good or the bad. Maybe both."

Tony looked down at her and made sure he held her gaze before he started talking again. "If I ever had the choice, I would switch places with you. I would endure all you had to endure while you stayed back in D.C safe. I would prevent that psychopath from ever laying a hand on you." Ziva swiftly whipped away the tears that were falling from both of their eyes.

"I would never wish upon anyone what I had to go through those four months. When I said I never realized how many things were changed, I meant it. All the possibilities my life held were gone. Do you honestly think any man would ever want to touch me, knowing what those men had done to me? Or that any man would ever want to make love to me, seeing the markings he left. My future is gone." Tony kissed her forehead. She was wrong. If she only knew how wrong she was.

"Zi, if I had the choice I would go back and find some way of not killing Michael. I would learn to deal with the fact that you had found love. I would learn to see you happy with someone else every single day. When I told you I didn't pull the trigger out of jealousy, I meant it. But as time started to go by, I questioned my motives-"

Ziva cut him off. "Don't blame yourself. I think the only reason I blamed you is because I needed someone to blame. I couldn't stand the thought that it was bound to happen. Michael was a loose pipe about to bust. My father had sent him here thinking his problem was taken care of."

Tony nodded. "I know. I think I finally realized that, because much like you. I had time to think. But my point, Zi, is that I care about you. I want you to be happy and I want you to have the life you want. Even if it means a life without me. I would deal about it, because..." He took a deep breath and forced himself to look at her. "I love you. Always have, and always will."

She looked at him, almost frightened. Her eyes looked broken, but when she spoke her voice was strong. "You do not mean that."

"You know I do," he whispered before gently pressing his lips to hers and pulling away. Although the kiss was short, it said those three words he had just spoken. "I wouldn't lie to you."

She smiled at him and felt his hand drift her hip. Her smile faded and her body tensed. Tony, realizing this quickly moved his hand back up to cup her cheek. "We'll take this slow," he promised her.

"No." She shook her head. "I meant what I said before, you deserve someone else. I am not what you need."

"Maybe not, but when have I ever been known to get what I need?" he questioned. She seemed to like this response. "Do you trust me?" he asked. She nodded her head and he picked her up. "I'm just taking you to my bed where you'll be more comfortable."

"You do not need to carry me," she protested, but Tony didn't oblige he placed her gently on the bed and moved to lie down beside her.

He kissed her on the lips again, this time the kiss started to get passionate and Tony pulled back. "Can I see them?"

Ziva looked at him with confusion before she understood what he meant. "You do not want to."

"You don't know that. I'll respect you and won't lay a finger anywhere you don't want it."

"I just don't want you to see them," she admitted in a whisper and Tony kissed her forehead.

"I promise I won't run," She nodded and took a deep breath before averting her eyes to the ceiling. She lifted up the Ohio state hoodie where she knew one of the worst scars was.

She heard Tony take a deep breath and then she felt hot air on her belly button, were the scar started. "I love you," she heard him whisper then felt him press a kiss to it. Ziva pushed herself up on her elbows so she could watch him. After he was done, he looked up at her with soft green eyes. "I told you, Sweet Cheeks, I love you and I'm not going to run." She nodded and smiled. "Are there anymore?" Ton knew it was a stupid question, but he needed to see all those men had done to her.

She gave a half hearted laugh, "Yes, but those are in places I am not prepared for you to see," she admitted and Tony nodded. He told her he respected her and he meant it.

He scooted up and lay beside her. She rested her head on his chest and after a few moments he spoke. "I would kill them all if I had the choice," he admitted quietly.

She kissed his cheek. "He who bears a heart full of jealousy and hatred only knows hatred, but he who carried a heart of love and loyalty lives a happy life," she recited. "Hate is a heavy emotion to carry around, trust me. I have hated many people, my father and the people who were responsible for Tali's death. But I have forgiven them all. Do you know what I would have given to just stop caring while I was in Somalia? I do not want you to hate them because I do not."

He smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "You, my ninja, you are strong and you are a survivor. I will always be by your side."

"Ani ohevet otkhah," Ziva whispered and snuggled into his arms.

"Ti amo," Tony replied, bringing his arms around to pull Ziva closer to his chest. This is where they belonged.

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><p>There you have it! Thank you and please review :)<p>

~A


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